Nobody goes there fairly like Nikki Glaser.
Whereas the comic made main headlines in Might 2024 for her epic set at The Roast of Tom Brady, which streamed stay on Netflix, it definitely wasn't the primary time she got here for a few of the largest names in Hollywood. Glaser was additionally a power at Comedy Central roasts for Rob Lowe, Bruce Willis and Alec Baldwin. She's since given perception into how she prepares for the large occasions, revealing she practices her jokes at stand-up units for weeks main as much as the taping.
Glaser is taking the identical strategy for the 2025 Golden Globes, which she'll host on January 5.
“I've I believe 9 reveals between now and Sunday, as a result of I need to hold testing out jokes and I need to hold getting the monologue within the [most] good place it may be,” Glaser informed The Hollywood Reporter days earlier than the ceremony. “Not each host does that. I'm fortunate sufficient to be a comic who can go and discover these rehearsal areas in entrance of a stay viewers, and I belief my viewers members to not leak jokes or inform anybody. And now we have sufficient jokes that even when they do, I'll be OK.”
From Brady to Cybill Shepherd to Joseph Gordon-Levitt, hold studying for a few of Glaser's most savage jokes over time:
Jewel
“Jewel is right here, in order I name her, Trailer Swift. Jewel, I don't need to badmouth you since God already did. … Your tooth are just like the Spice Women, they're all totally different colours and doing their very own issues.” (Roast of Rob Lowe)
Peyton Manning
“I really like you in commercials. I'd say you're the best of all time. You're just like the Tom Brady of commercials. Like, the best.” (Roast of Rob Lowe)
Rob Lowe
“Rob defies age … restrictions. God, I had such a crush on you after I was slightly woman. If solely I had recognized that's after I had my finest shot.” (Roast of Rob Lowe)
Martha Stewart
“Martha Stewart, shank you for being right here . … I'm an enormous fan and my mother is an excellent larger fan. My mother has discovered all the pieces from Martha Stewart, together with cooking, cleansing, and withholding affection.” (Roast of Bruce Willis)
Joseph Gordon-Levitt
“He's so cute, so lovable. I wager you eat p—y, however solely with the crust lower off first. Isn't that his look? Talking of crusty p—-y, I'll get to you in a second, Cybill.” (Roast of Bruce Willis)
Cybill Shepherd
“Cybill's beautiful. I'm, like, honored to fulfill her. Her resume is insane — mannequin, actor, singer, you title it. She's f—-ed it.” (Roast of Bruce Willis)
Bruce Willis
“Your daughters should be so happy with their father … Ashton Kutcher.” (Roast of Bruce Willis)
Caitlyn Jenner
“You might be such an unbelievable athlete. Folks neglect simply how briskly you as soon as ran … out of your first household to go be on a actuality present. Significantly, I do know being a brand new mother is difficult, however even Casey Anthony is aware of the present location of her daughter.” (Roast of Alec Baldwin)
Blake Griffin
“Blake, you seem like a Black man that received made by a printer working out of ink. Yeah. Chris Redd is right here as a result of Comedy Central wasn't certain if Blake was Black or not.” (Roast of Alec Baldwin)
Alec Baldwin
“Alec Baldwin, what an honor to be right here roasting Justin Bieber's spouse's oldest, fattest uncle. I'll always remember that voicemail if you known as your daughter Eire a inconsiderate little pig. It's received to be one of many worst issues you'll be able to name your daughter — after Eire, really. That title, yikes.” (Roast of Alec Baldwin)
Kevin Hart
“Nobody works more durable than this man. Have you learnt that each morning Kevin wakes up at 4 a.m. to make a shitty film? No, I really like your films. Or as I name them ‘brief movies.' No, I'm kidding. I hate them. No, sorry, Kevin, I don't imply to belittle you, however you ‘be little,' man. Like, you're a tiny man. Kevin is 5'2'', 150 kilos. Um, 155 after The Rock finishes.” (Roast of Tom Brady)
Drew Bledsoe
“However let's get to the rationale we're all right here tonight. Uh, Drew Bledsoe. ‘Drew bled so Tom may run.' However I'm gonna transfer on from you, identical to your workforce did after you virtually died.” (Roast of Tom Brady)
Tom Brady
“Tom Brady, five-time Tremendous Bowl MVP, most profession wins, most profession touchdowns, you've gotten seven rings. … Effectively, eight now that Gisele gave hers again, however … Tom, the one factor dumber than you saying sure to this roast was if you stated, ‘Hey, babe, it is best to strive jujitsu.'” (Roast of Tom Brady)
“I imply, you're the perfect to ever play for too lengthy. I imply … you retired, you then got here again, and you then retired once more. I get it. Exhausting to stroll away from one thing that's not your pregnant girlfriend. Hey. To be truthful, he didn't know she was pregnant. He simply thought she was getting fats.” (Roast of Tom Brady)
Rob Gronkowski
“Tom additionally misplaced $30 million in crypto. Tom, how did you fall for that? I imply, even Gronk was like, ‘Me know that not actual cash.'” (Roast of Tom Brady)
Ben Affleck
Whereas Affleck wasn't current on the 2025 Golden Globes, Glaser gave him a shout-out in her opening monologue.
“Tonight, we have a good time the perfect of movie and maintain house for tv,” she stated. “Sure, Depraved, Queer, Nightbitch: These should not simply phrases Ben Affleck yells after he orgasms. These are a few of the unbelievable films nominated tonight.”
Diddy
The disgraced music mogul was additionally referenced in her Golden Globes monologue.
“Zendaya, you have been unbelievable in Dune [2]. Oh, my God, I awakened for all your scenes. You have been so good,” Glaser informed the actress. “And Challengers, woman? It was so good. I imply, that film was extra sexually charged than Diddy's bank card.”
She added, “Oh, I'm upset too. The afterparty's not going to be good this 12 months. However, now we have to maneuver on. A Stanley Tucci freak-off simply doesn't have the identical ring to it. No child oil this 12 months, simply a lot of olive oil.”
Benny Blanco
Throughout the 2025 Golden Globes that January, Glaser congratulated Blanco on proposing to Selena Gomez one month earlier.
“Benny Blanco is right here due to the genie who granted him that want,” she quipped. “Man, fortunate man!”
Gomez was seen pointing up on the stage in response.
‘Saturday Night time Reside' Monologue
After internet hosting SNL in November 2025, Glaser obtained backlash after telling a joke about intercourse trafficking in her monologue.
“I believe I'm simply paranoid and I believe I'm simply obsessive about slavery just lately as a result of each time you go … to a public girls's restroom and also you sit within the stall, there's at all times a poster on the again of the stall that's asking you when you're being trafficked,” she stated. “They're in each stall. They're in each world language. The English is actually tiny and it's like, ‘You would like.'”
Glaser continued, “Males's restrooms don't have these indicators. I don't know what indicators you've gotten? You might have indicators which are like, ‘Desire a slave? Textual content Traffick to 69-69.'”
The comic additionally shared that her youthful buddies have been fearful about it.
“It's actually a giant concern of being trafficked, principally for Gen Z ladies,” she stated. “I've loads of Gen Z buddies that I purchased … they usually're terrified. I don't relate. I'm 41. That was not a concern of mine ever in my 20s. In my 20s, I simply feared good old style rape. I didn't assume it could be a profession. We didn't assume it was something greater than a ‘temp job' on a frat home futon.”
Glaser relayed the sensation to narrate to her youthful buddies who informed her she was “good” since they felt “safer” when she was round as a result of she regarded like their “madam.” Glaser additionally made a reference to Ghislaine Maxwell who was the girlfriend of the late convicted intercourse offender Jeffrey Epstein.
