Jen Hatmaker is reflecting on how purity tradition affected her marriage to ex-husband Brandon.
Showing on a latest episode of the podcast, “The Jamie Kern Lima Show,” the HGTV star opened up about how she introduced the “sexual disgrace” she developed at a younger age into her marriage to Brandon, 53.
Jen, 51, recalled a narrative from her days as a younger teenager when her church taught her “intercourse training” utilizing a flower metaphor. She defined that she and the opposite women had been informed that they had been like a flower — a “pure” and “pristine” reward to be given to their husbands solely. They had been warned that actions resembling sexual activity with their boyfriends or letting individuals contact their our bodies previous to marriage could be “ruining” the reward, like a petal being ripped off a flower.
“That was the primary time in my life I had been informed by a religious authority that I used to be an actual drawback, that my physique was an issue, that I used to be answerable for not simply my very own sexual purity, however the boys and any sexual deviance that got here into play, if it was mine, it was my fault, and if it was theirs, it was my fault, and that seared into my psyche. I'm 50 years outdated. I'm nonetheless speaking about it,” Jen defined.
Jen added that being taught to suppose that method about sexual needs so early in life got here again to hang-out her when she did finally get married.
“That story was handed to so many people at our age, at such a pivotal time, and I carried that sexual disgrace with me into my marriage. For positive,” she stated.
Jen added that she and Brandon obtained married younger and had already “sullied the story,” implying that neither of them saved themselves for marriage like they'd been taught.
“So we already walked into our relationship stuffed with guilt, stuffed with disgrace, stuffed with secrets and techniques, as a result of that's not one thing we had been allowed to speak about or to be sincere about,” she stated. “And so that you simply bury that internally, and it's so corrosive.”
Jen and Brandon Hatmaker. Courtesy of Jen Hatmaker's Fb
Jen additionally identified the injury triggered from being informed to carry again on sexual needs for thus lengthy, however then having the expectation after marriage to immediately be expert within the bed room to have the ability to please your husband.
“It definitely affected our marriage if you find yourself informed time and again and over that sexual emotions, needs, behaviors, explorations, all of it are so soiled and that you're soiled for having them, for considering them or for doing them, you imagine it. You simply imagine it,” Jen continued.
She added: “And so I walked that sense of such battle into my marriage, as a result of, in fact, in that camp, then you definately're additionally informed ‘Don't be slutty and have intercourse.' However then while you lastly get married and have intercourse, be superior at it. Be unhindered, proper? Be like a vixen. Give it up anytime the husband needs it. Be sort of wild about it. That whiplash is the supply of loads of distress for lots of younger marriages that got here out of that setting, and it was for us to.”
Jen and Brandon's relationship was featured on My Huge Household Renovation, which premiered in 2014. The couple later introduced their break up in 2020 following almost three many years of marriage.
“Brandon and I are getting divorced. Though the main points are ours alone, this was utterly surprising, and I stay surprised as we converse. I'm shocked, grief-stricken, and broken-hearted,” Jen wrote by way of Instagram on the time. “Maintain us so expensive to your hearts. We've felt your prayers these previous few weeks. We've skilled your mercy. Thanks for being good to us. Know that we're deeply surrounded by love and haven't been alone a single second in two months. Please assist shield us and hold us secure as we attempt to heal and rebuild.”
Each Brandon and Jen have moved on after their divorce. Brandon is now married to Tina Hatmaker, whereas Jen discovered love with boyfriend Tyler Merritt.
