DEAR ABBY: I'm a retired Marine who married my supervisor's daughter. I'll name her “Zoe.” He and I have been good associates. Zoe and I divorced in 1997. Throughout the marriage, I discovered that he was not her actual father. It was a household secret that unintentionally received out.
Zoe and I had a daughter, “Ellie.” Once I found when she was 13 that she wasn't mine, I used to be livid. I ultimately accepted Ellie as my very own as a result of I used to be the one father she had ever identified, and it wouldn't change something.
Now, years later, I've remarried and raised two stepsons as my very own. Ellie has three children. Typically, I wish to inform her the reality, and different instances, I simply wish to depart all this alone. What ought to I actually do? — HISTORY REPEATS IN ALABAMA
DEAR H.R.: You're a caring, accountable man. I'll assume that you simply and Ellie have a heat, ongoing relationship. Your daughter deserves to know that whilst you have at all times liked her, you aren't her organic father. Does anybody know who he could also be? That is vital info she would possibly wish to have in case there are well being issues that run in bio-dad's household that could possibly be handed all the way down to her youngsters.
DEAR ABBY: 4 months in the past, my 15-year-old oldest baby was killed in a automobile accident. It has been actually laborious. My husband and I are doing our greatest to care for our youthful youngsters and put our lives again collectively.
One factor I don't know what to do about is all of the mail I've obtained from my estranged family. None of them got here for the service, however aunts, uncles, cousins and even my dad's ex-wife wrote playing cards and condolence letters. It's all paper mail as a result of I've an unlisted telephone quantity and personal electronic mail tackle and don't use social media to allow them to't observe me. There are good the reason why we haven't been in contact.
I shouldn't have the power to restart these relationships, particularly not now, however I additionally really feel the letters have been despatched with sort intent and ignoring them can be chilly. Is there a approach to acknowledge the (minimal) assist with out opening Pandora's field? I suppose I wish to discharge the social obligation of replying so I will be well mannered with out shedding the wholesome distance I've been in a position to set up. — DISTANT IN ALASKA
DEAR DISTANT: Please settle for my deepest sympathy for the tragic and premature lack of your baby. Since you really feel socially obligated to acknowledge the condolences your loved ones despatched, take into account shopping for (or having printed) normal playing cards that say, “The household of (clean) acknowledge with gratitude your sort expression of sympathy.” It might be a heat and gracious contact so as to add, if attainable, just a few handwritten phrases to every one. As a result of you possibly can't ship love, they want solely be, “We hope you and your loved ones are properly,” and signal your title.
Expensive Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also called Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Expensive Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Field 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
